I expected things to be different. A big move changes nearly everything in your life: your house, job, friends and neighbors, resources, the weather. I expected all this, and I even hoped for some deeper, internal changes within me in response to this new place. I just didn’t expect them so soon.
Our new home is a big change from the frenetic bubble of southern California. That’s why we came here, to make a home in a stable, restorative place, to quietly do our work and take pleasure in peaceful living. Of course, the move itself was anything but peaceful. And after several weeks of packing, multiple trips across several states, and hauling ourselves, property and animals, we now find ourselves looking past the remaining boxes to the mesas beyond, coming up for air.
I first noticed changes in our dog Jessie. She seemed overreactive to the smallest sound. Already an attentive sentinel, her barking took on a fervor that bordered on extreme. When stopping to consider her perspective, I realized that it is so quiet here, any sound would be worthy of attention. Next, I noticed that our emotionally sensitive dog Rascal seemed lighter, happier, more expressive and playful. Then, my husband made a final trip back to SoCal to retrieve our truck, leaving me alone here for the first time, six weeks after our arrival. By phone, he told me how different driving was, so aggressive and selfish, and how the whole vibe of being back “home” felt oppressive. This was surprising, since we were both born, raised and habituated to the freeways of southern California. That’s our native habitat, right?
Without Richard home to distract me, I noticed I too had become more sensitive to new environmental sounds. I found peace in the slow rhythm of the days, the ever shifting weather, the expansive horizons. No traffic. No street lights. No crowds. (No Indian food, but hey, life is about trade-offs, right?) My subtle transformation really stood out when I tried to give myself a rare treat of a movie on Netflix. I was aghast to find so much violence and negativity. It was hard to find anything uplifting outside of science documentaries. When I retreated to the safety of a preview for a show I’ve seen countless times, and ended up in tears from the emotional impact, I realized I was more sensitive than normal.
I did not expect to see changes in my emotional health and perspectives so quickly. I’m noticing subtle shifts in my tolerances, my expectations and my curiosity. If I’m seeing this in six weeks, what will I be like in a year, or six years, or more?
It is no wonder why the majority of us struggle to listen beyond “Me, Now” and to think and act in ways that reflect our best. We already know that the pace of modern life in not consistent with our biology. When given the chance, it is natural for us to drop our defenses and reveal our better selves. More personal time and space can kick start your own transformation, but not everyone can move out to the country.
Fortunately, there are practical steps each of us can take, regardless of where we live, to help bring us back toward balance. Start with less media, the news, social, entertainment, all of it. Media drowns all of the open space where ideas grow. Practice leaving open space for your curiosity and creativity to step forward. (Don’t fear boredom; it’s actually not a thing.) Give yourself an extra few minutes for your commute to take the pressure off. Make more eye contact with friendly intent. Practice giving your attention and listening without planning your response. And sit with your animals. No agenda. Just share the space, physically and emotionally. Practice being still in that space. And listen.
When we practice these simple steps, we practice self care and care for others. In becoming more sensitive to our own inner landscape, we become more sensitive to others’. In doing these simple things, we accumulate experience that starts to change us for the better. The goal in such practice is to create the space to think and act from our best selves, not our defensive, hardened selves. And in so doing, all of our relationships improve, with our animals, our family and friends, our co-workers, even people we have yet to know.